gwennajane's Blog

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
 

Christine was a fool!  .... but so am I .....

Music of the Night
Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night

Close you eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
purge your thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you'll live as you've never lived before

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly posess you
Open up your mind,
Let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night

Music Of The Night
Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be!
Only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night
 

i ADDED THE LYRICS BELOW MY COMMENTS HERE:  I think this is where I am inside myself right now.  If only I could go back to being a child - find and protect my innocence from all the harm and damage that the sweet child I once was has had to endure - maybe then I would be able to feel again - to love again - to try, believe, hope .... anything would be better than this unfeeling person I've become.  I am jealous of those who feel pain - because I remember that "stage" of life.  When the pain over love and life was almost unbearable and I could cry an ocean of tears.  Oh - to feel pain, hurt, anger, misery again!  I'm beyond emotions and feelings now.  They seem to belong to my past.  I've outgrown the need for them.  I learned to cope with everthing.- because I'm so strong you see... and there was a lot to cope with (I'm the strongest fragile person I know).  It just kept coming at me faster and harder year after year .... until it didn't even matter anymore because I stopped feeling.  I shut down.  People have told me they wished they could shut down like I can - so that they wouldn't have to feel pain.  I hope they always feel the pain rather than becoming like me.  It's not even that I'm bitter or afraid or angry so much as that I just don't care.  I have lost my belief in love, in life, in what it all means and why we are here - my faith is so extremely weak.  Sometimes I hear it whisper to me as it lays at the bottom of my heart dying ... "please don't give up,  please" it begs me.  It's such a sad, desperate little plea that you'd think it would tug at my heartstrings and bring out an ocean of emotions and tears - but, no .... sometimes my eyes tear up for a second ... and then it's over.  Life has killed me ... I'm just not dead yet.

But I was reminded of my youth at a music festival this weekend.  The spirit of peace and love was everywhere.  Kids on bikes, hoola-hoops.... hippies (ha) .... after my own spirit ... and I smiled.   Then, tonight, I cried.  I cried because it suddenly became so clear to me how much I miss the innocence of my youth - the childlike ability to believe anything and anyone .... when gullibility, sweetness, innocence, love, truth, goodness were cherished and protected assets .... instead of the liabilities they become as adults.  It's a damned shame what we do to each other on this planet  and in relationships as adults. 

There - now the emotions are gone again.  It sure felt good to smile and cry though ... even for a little while.  I think if I could find my innocence again that I may one day even be able to believe in love again and take another chance on it .... shhhhh .... shhhhh..... let's pretend I didn't say that ... because right now that is impossible for me to see in reality .... but... oh .... to dream it!  (sigh) ... well .... dreams are a start, aren't they?

Evanescence
 

Fields of Innocence
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

*chorus*
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
oh I...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all


I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

*chorus2*
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
oh why...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything

------------

Believing in everything and knowing nothing .... what a dream .... I wonder how you make it real?

 

Enya
The Celts
I Want Tomorrow
Lyrics by Roma Ryan
Composed and performed by Enya
--------------------------------

Dawn breaks; there is blue in the sky.
Your face before me though I don't know why.
Thoughts disappearing like tears from the moon.

Waiting here; as I sit by the stone
They came before me, those men from the sun.
Signs from the heavens say I am the one.

Chorus

Now I know; I can see your light,
this light that I must follow,
You -- you could take my life away
[ Enya Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
-- so far away.
Now I know; I must leave your spell
-- I want tomorrow.

(The above lyrics for the chorus are taken from those printed in the
sleeve of the Japanese pressing by Jimco Records: following are the
words which are almost undoubtably those actually sung)

Chorus

Now you're here; I can see your light,
this light that I must follow,
You -- you may take my life away
-- so far away.
Now I know; I must leave your spell
-- I want tomorrow.